


"Luffy. You haven't eaten in five days."

by blackeyebruise



Series: Depression Luffy [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Disordered Eating, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 00:18:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackeyebruise/pseuds/blackeyebruise
Summary: Contains spoilers of episode 228 / chapter 321; takes place right after these.





	"Luffy. You haven't eaten in five days."

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers of episode 228 / chapter 321; takes place right after these.

"Luffy." He wanted to get straight to the point, because he could tell his captain was trying to dodge around it again. "You haven't eaten in five days."

"That's not true," Luffy retorted, pouting nervously.

"Oh, come on. We both know you can't lie to save your life," Sanji sighed, peering pointedly at his captain's sweating face, and when Luffy opened his mouth to deny it again, Sanji cut in, "You usually eat tons. You think I wouldn't notice if your appetite went down? Besides... This isn't the first time it's happened. Just..." His brow loosened, looking at Luffy; really looking at him. "Please eat something, even a little. Five days is just... You haven't even snacked on anything this whole time, have you?"

Luffy bit his lip in conflict, torn between admitting it and continuing to deny it. He said nothing.

"I'll make anything you want. It doesn't have to be a lot. But...I'm worried about you." Sanji hoped that by admitting something himself, it would draw Luffy into being honest with him, too.

"M...Maybe later," Luffy finally mumbled, eyes veered off towards the water below the ship. The ocean in front of them shone with moonlight, and Luffy, seated on Merry's head and silhouetted against it all, looked like he'd been forced into a spotlight he didn't want to be in.

"Promise?"

Luffy nodded quietly, sinking his head into his huddled knees, as if he didn't want to be looked at. "Don't tell the others about this," he added, and even his voice was lowered as if withdrawing into itself.

"I figured you wouldn't want the others to know." That was why Sanji had approached him about it when everyone else was asleep, even though he had noticed earlier. "Don't worry, I won't tell them."

"Thanks."

They were both silent for a minute. It was awkward, and Sanji wasn't sure if this was his cue to leave him alone for the night, but if possible, he wanted to keep talking to him, so...

"Luffy... Is there anything I can do? What happened?" He tried to squint into Luffy's face, but it was too hidden and too deep in shadow. Luffy raised his head in the next moment, however.

"N...Nothing happened." Still staring off to the side, he looked as if he wanted to come up with an excuse, but had none to give.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I won't pry -- just remember that we're all here for you," he tried, searching Luffy's eyes for any kind of hint on how he should act or what he should say. "You don't have to be afraid or ashamed to tell us anything."

A pause, then a brief acknowledgement:

"Mm."

But he said nothing more, and Sanji's heart fell a little. Despite his own words, he was indeed hoping that Luffy would decide to confide in at least him about whatever was on his mind. But he would still stay true to his words and, out of respect for Luffy's comfort, refused to pry any further.

"Well..." Sanji stumbled over his own voice a little, but continued, "Just let me know whenever you want something to eat. --Whenever you're ready to eat."

This time there was no more response, and Luffy's face dipped down out of sight again. Sanji let the silence of the ocean waves fill the air, and, a bit low in spirits, he opened his mouth to say "good night" when Luffy keeled over and fell off Merry's head.

"Luffy!" Sanji reached out to catch him, but missed, and didn't hesitate to dive after him. Soon enough, they were both back on board, soaked. "What are you doing?!" Sanji huffed, a little louder than intended (he hoped he didn't wake any of the others). Luffy replied with a dazed expression, coughing a bit of water out.

"Accident... I'll be more careful." He got to his feet to return to his place atop Merry's head, but collapsed again before he could get there. Sanji rushed to his side, turning him over.

"Oh, no... You're weak from starvation, aren't you? You need to eat, Luffy! At least get some sleep -- I can take over your shift."

"No, I can--"

"Let me reword that. I _will_ take over your shift. You're in no state to be keeping watch, captain."

"But--"

"No buts."

Luffy went quiet, and Sanji sighed. In a way, as the crew's cook, he was ashamed to have allowed this to happen to his captain. But first and foremost was concern, and how to attend to him now.

"Food, Luffy. Please." It was hard to believe he had to tell Luffy, of all people, to eat -- but he gave Luffy a firm look, hoping to get through to him. Luffy avoided eye contact, but eventually, to Sanji's relief, relented.

"Okay."

"I'll go make something for you right now. Do you want anything in particular?" he asked softly, helping Luffy back up.

"Anything's fine."

Sanji paused to scrutinize his captain's face; Luffy glanced up at him, then back down to the floor. He was acting so jarringly uncharacteristic of his usual self that it was kind of alarming; not to mention, it pained Sanji to see him this way.

"Porridge, then," he decided, gently leading Luffy along to the kitchen with him. "I'll tack on a banana, too. You don't have to eat all of it -- just as much as you can manage." He watched Luffy nod in response, and although he was still uneasy, getting any kind of recognition from him provided some faint relief.

It didn't take very long to prepare the food, simple as it was, and he took a seat across from Luffy after setting it down in front of his hunched form. Now Sanji, too, looked away, not wanting to put pressure on him by staring. A minute or two passed before the silence was broken by a word from Luffy.

"Thanks."

Sanji saw him carefully pick up the spoon and begin to eat. He stayed quiet, feeling as if he'd be interrupting if he spoke now, and simply sat and let Luffy work his way through the food. To his pleasant surprise, when he glanced back at Luffy a few minutes later, the porridge and banana were all gone. He felt his face tug into a smile.

"You should get some rest. I'll take watch for you. All right?"

Another pause. When Luffy spoke again, his voice sounded--

"We were so close to losing Robin."

It came out sounding cracked, as if his throat was sore from crying, and hearing that, Sanji's jaw loosened just enough for the cigarette to slip out of his lips.

"O-Of course, there's no way I would've let that happen," Luffy stammered, not looking nearly as self-assured as his words suggested, "And you guys were there to help, too. That Marine ice guy or whatever, he's no match--" His shaky gaze was stuck to his right fist, the first part of his body that had gotten frozen stiff by Aokiji. But it was shocking to see Luffy -- the overly confident Luffy -- trying to talk himself into assurance.

"Yeah. We were all there. And yeah, there's no way any of us would've let that Marine lay a hand on her...even if it was scary." Sanji folded his hands in front of his face, searching for the right words. He'd been horrified then, too, and he figured Luffy could also still picture Robin's petrified figure, her body seized by ice with her mouth mid-gape; it ran a chill down his spine. But, hearing Luffy speak again, he took his mind off that image and fixed himself attentively on Luffy.

"If...If she had broken in half or anything like that, I..." Tears were running down his face. He couldn't continue.

"Luffy..." He reached out to him, resting his own hand on Luffy's in a comforting touch. "It's okay. She's not broken. She's fine, and she's with us now."

"I shouldn't have let that happen to her in the first place," Luffy breathed, his fist trembling under Sanji's palm. "If she had-- died-- right then, I-- don't know what I would do-- and sometimes I--... I don't know if it's okay for someone like me to be captain--"

"Luffy, what are you saying...?!" Sanji whispered in a hush, shock quickly turning into alarm. "That's nonsense! Has the starvation gotten to you? You should get some rest. Maybe I should get Chopper to look at you in the morning..." Because it had to be that something was affecting him, or else he wouldn't ever say something like that...

...Right?

"No, that's fine--" Luffy said suddenly, tone changing drastically as he retracted his hand to wipe his eyes off. "I don't know what I'm saying. You're right, I'll get some rest." He got up to leave, when--

"Wait," Sanji blurted out, then stopping because he wasn't sure what to follow up with -- he did want Luffy to get some rest, but the way he was acting now wasn't reassuring. Silent, he just observed Luffy, bewildered and searching his captain's expression frantically, as if he were on a time limit. Luffy looked at him questioningly, and for the first time this night, he was looking Sanji in the eyes, but there was no longer a trace remaining of any of what Sanji had witnessed in the past half hour, as if nothing were wrong and Luffy had been eating just fine and he had never said anything about being a bad captain--

"What is it?" Luffy asked, with that absolutely normal expression of his, and for a moment Sanji wondered if he had just hallucinated the whole thing.

"Nothing," he said finally, sinking back into his chair, defeated.

"Thanks for the food!" Luffy flashed him his usual big toothy grin before disappearing through the doorway, and Sanji was left just staring hopelessly at the door as Luffy closed it behind him.

"Luffy..." he whispered once more to himself.

He couldn't help but wonder if he had missed his chance at something just then -- if, the moment Luffy left through that door, he had left for good.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this is part of my "Luffy has depression" AU! Isn't it absolutely shocking for Luffy to just...not...eat? This is the second fic I've written for this AU; the first is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329863), but this second fic takes place earlier in the storyline than the other one, so it wasn't necessary to read the other one before reading this one (in fact, I wonder if it's a better read to experience this one first?).
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
